i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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