u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
