perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
