omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize