That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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