I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
