you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize