omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She said her name was "party"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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