I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
