just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
