i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
