well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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