After last night, I could never be a politician.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
