Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
