please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
wow bdsm is so cute
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