did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
