So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
