we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
