I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
