i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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