I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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