We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
