dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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