There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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