You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
