but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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