I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
