Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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