just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
