we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
