the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
