Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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