i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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