I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He did a backflip because drugs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
