we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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