this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
