I cockslap morals
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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