if i died would you start the facebook group?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
