If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
