yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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