If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
