help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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