Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
