I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
