well I can't set my house on fire every night
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
