please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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