Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize