Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
