Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize