What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
