When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
