ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
