Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
