my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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