I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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