Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
