Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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