He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize